I’ve always been an outsider.  Comfortable looking but never engaging unless necessary. And I’m a hillbilly. An educated hillbilly is called a hill William as my father always says. I moved a lot growing up and I’ve moved a lot as an adult.  At one point my husband and I moved 11 times in 10 years.

But I’ve seen a lot more slivers of the world this way and I’ve never regretted that.

Now that I’m older and a bit more settled and seeing the light in my prism of the world change I can look back at my journey thus far and understand for the first time some of the choices I’ve made. 

I got a degree in seeing.  Seeing expression and finding what I considered to be a safe form of communication through visual arts; which granted me a degree in 5 short years from OSU.  And then as I entered the workforce and began to really see, I worked for homeless shelters, women’s shelters, group homes and for food access.  My particular Appalachian ethos is wrapped in the idea of service, wrapped so tight in fact it’s caused me to find my worth in it, to my detriment.  But I saw a lot and I served. 

I got some scars along the way as one does working, particularly in roles that require emotional and mental strength.  I lost a friend and coworker, then my hair. Then it grew back, just as I was starting to figure out why it fell out in first place.

I thought I’d get a degree in community and economic development so I could serve, and finally be worthy of joining a community.  But that hasn’t really worked out. I don’t consider myself a loner, a hermit, a hero or a victim.  Just another woman trying to stay afloat and help ppl. Maybe gain some self acceptance along the way.  

I’ve had a lot of lucky breaks, and by that I mean I’ve experienced things in work and my personal life that I am grateful for, and speak to my privilege as a cisgender white woman who got to college and then some.

Teaching opened up a new world for me, something I thought I was too shy to ever do.  It gave me confidence and opened me up to new experiences and seeing many many new perspectives from ppl in all walks of life, always using art as the conduit.  Art and Education has saved me time and time again since I was a kid.  I recently went back to school for yet another degree in education; in the hopes I can do something else beyond the classroom setting.  

And here we are.  My pot is too tight and I’ve got to replant. I hope someone out there can find some solidarity in this post. I think everyone is just looking for acceptance and love and are deserving of it.  If we had more of it we’d all be better off.